I knew the chips would be cold. I wanted hot chips. But I also really didn’t want the embarrassment of sending them back. Sound familiar?
I had gone out for lunch with my partner to a cute little pub and ordered a big burger, with fries. Yeah, why not. My partner had pizza, with a side of fries. I know.
We hadn’t eaten in this pub before so didn’t know what to expect. The food arrived and my partner declared that his chips were cold and he would send them back. He asked me if mine were cold.
“They’re fine” I said.
See how I avoided actually answering the question? Mine were tepid, well, almost cold really. But they tasted nice and I didn’t want the hassle of sending them back.
I watched as my partner sent his chips back which were replaced by steaming hot yummy chips. I wasn’t envious, I told myself. Yeah, right.
I did enjoy my meal with my tepid chips. I would have enjoyed it more if the chips had been hot. As I finished the meal I admitted “I should have sent my chips back”.
I didn’t because I was being invisible. I was being not a problem. I was avoiding putting myself first. Ohhhhh. Damn. I still do that then.
Ok, on the plus side I am now recognising more often when I fall into behaviour that no longer serves me. NEXT time I will have hot chips. I will have them because I deserve them. Because they are tastier that way. Because it won’t kill me to send them back for re-heating.
Me and the chips will have a re-match one day and I will win.
If that sounds like something you do, you might like to join my closed Facebook group for Recovering People Pleasers (women only):
Thanks for reading. If you have any challenges with putting yourself first that you would like some support with, let’s have a chat about how I can help. I offer a free, no obligation, introductory session where you can experience my coaching firsthand.
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I am running support groups in London and Surrey for women who want to live free of the tyranny of people pleasing. See https://www.meetup.com/London-Recovering-People-Pleasers-Meetup-women-only/ and https://www.meetup.com/Surrey-Recovering-People-Pleasers-Meetup-women-only/ for more details.