Loss, darkness and light

I have been in the darkness and wondering when the light of day will come. My mother died just over a month ago and it is so hard to carry on with the normal day to day. If you have recently lost someone, be that through death or a different ending of a relationship, my heart goes out to you.

My energy just… went. I had little enthusiasm to do most things. I haven’t been to the gym and have been eating rather too many puddings. I wanted to have great ideas and put them into action, but it wasn’t in me. I had to hunker down for a while.

A few song lyrics haunted me:

“But I still wake up, I still see your ghost

Oh Lord, I’m still not sure what I stand for, oh

What do I stand for?

What do I stand for?

Most nights, I don’t know anymore”

(Some Nights, Fun.)

I had lost and I felt lost. The ending of an important relationship means we have to redefine ourselves in this brave new world.

For me, I have found discovering meditation extremely helpful. Through the perfect timing of the universe I attended a Mindfulness for Coaching course which included an introduction to meditation practice. I knew I had a shining light inside of me. Through unsteady steps into meditating each day I have tuned into my light and feel it’s healing and reassuring presence. I feel a settling and a gradual returning of my energy.

Ideas are beginning to flow again and I even got to the gym this week. The grief still cuts like ice some days. I miss my Mum. A lot. It’s tough having such intense feelings. I am thankful that I have people in my life who can sit with me in my grief and don’t try to stem the tide of my feelings because it makes them feel uncomfortable. So I cry and get snotty and then feel better for a while.

I realise that one of the valuable things I can offer to my clients is to give them a safe space to unpack difficult emotions and to really listen to their story. There is a lot of loss in this world and it’s good to know we are not alone in working through it.

I know this is my journey and that everyone’s journey through grief and loss is different and that’s ok. If the darkness wasn’t there, how would we recognise the light? 


Thanks for reading. If you have any challenges that you would like some support with, let’s have a chat about how I can help. I offer a free, no obligation, introductory session where you can experience my coaching firsthand.

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