Love and Freedom

“If you love someone, set them free. If they come back, they’re yours; if they don’t they never were.”


This is beautiful and has been my experience. Fully embracing it though is damn scary and takes the kind of courage I don’t normally have.

See, it’s all very well to see the appeal in the quote. After all, if I was the loved one and my lover gave me freedom, of course I would return to them because I loved them. They have given me space and room enough to fly away… and fly back. Thinking about it the other way round it becomes harder.

Think of your own situation. Maybe there is someone you love who wants more freedom. Maybe they want to do something you are not interested in. Or maybe they want to try being something different for a change. How would you react? Or maybe you are just starting a relationship which you are so excited about, but the other person still wants to see other people. Sometimes we can see this as a threat to our relationship that must be guarded against at all costs. Why do they want to do that? Why do they want to be like that? We feel insecure. The temptation then is to try to keep the status quo, hold on tighter, with the other person feeling squeezed and therefore much more likely to want to wriggle free.

When I was faced with this challenge, my insecurities flared up.

“What’s wrong with our relationship?”

“What’s wrong with me?”

“What’s wrong with them?”

“What if they don’t come back?”

I work hard at relationships that I value and fortunately in this case I could discuss it with my loved one in a way that allowed us both to speak truth in love and knock those insecurities on the head.

What would happen if you loosened that grip and let them fly free? Well, one of two things might happen.

They might leave you and not return. This might feel like the end of the world. Just maybe they weren’t yours to begin with after all.

But they might come back to you. My loved one came back to me. And we drew closer as a result. They may come back to you. And they will have grown. Grown as a human being, grown in their life experience and most likely grown in their love for you. And you will know that they both truly belong to you and they are truly free.


Thanks for reading. If you have any challenges with a relationship that you would like some support with, let’s have a chat about how I can help. I offer a free, no obligation, introductory session where you can experience my coaching firsthand.

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